Sometimes life’s challenges overtake us.
The present moment becomes a place where we mindlessly flounder between thoughts of the past and worries about the future. We lose ourselves to rumination. And just when we most need our supportive practices, we feel completely unable use them. Nothing works anymore. How do we then cope and move ourselves towards a more comfortable place of ease?
You might like to try the formula AOB.
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Awareness
The first thing to do is to become aware of your pain and acknowledge your own distress. And if you can, aim to label your feelings: "I’m so angry/ frustrated/ disappointed/ anxious" etc
Or if that’s just too difficult, then say to yourself, "I’m feeling really emotional and I don't like it."
Notice how, as well as feeling strong emotions, you may start to criticise yourself with comments such as...
“Other people have far more difficult problems.”
“This must be my fault.”
“Why can’t I be more resilient?”
“I should be able to get a handle on this.”
“How will it all end?”
Just notice these thoughts as well as you can and tell yourself, “I don’t need to fix whatever it is right now”. Remember: thoughts aren't real.
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Opening Up
Then take a step back and say to yourself, “This is what anxiety/anger/frustration/sadness (etc) feels like.” Or “This is what feeling so emotional actually feels like.”
See if it’s possible to notice how your body is responding to these emotions. Is there any bracing, tension, pain etc anywhere? You might say again to yourself, “Ah, this is what ……………….. feels like. This is painful and I don’t have to like it. But I can be with it for a little while.”
At this point take a couple of deep breaths through the nose and let them out slowly through the mouth.
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Being
Let yourself Be. What kind words could you offer yourself right now? What do you need to hear? What would a good friend say to you?
- Now aim to do something that will engage your senses even if it’s only for 5 or 10 minutes. My “go to” activities would be: walking on some grass in bare feet; deadheading flowers in my garden; yoga to some well-chosen music depending on mood (I find "Fight Song" by Rachel Platten is good for angry energy or if I need an uplift then "Feeling Good" sung by Nina Simone or Michael Buble).
You could try journalling on paper not a computer – take 20 minutes and write down everything in your head and then destroy it. There’s no need to try to solve your problems; just explore your feelings. Then burn it or tear it up into tiny pieces then bin it. Neither you nor anyone else needs to read it but you should feel some release.
What you choose to do is up to you...It might help to have a list of options in mind.
It could be useful to practise AOB when you're feeling ok to get used to the process.
So to sum up, it’s AOB:
Develop Awareness of your feelings. Acknowledge them and any self-critical thoughts. (Point 1)
Opening up to your pain gives it space. Breathe. (Point 2)
Being in the moment through your senses and offering kind words may bring some much needed ease. (Points 3 and 4)
